All the fun of the Fringe
So the Edinburgh Fringe Festival starts this week. The biggest festival of arts, comedy, theatre, music, dance and dodgy street performers in the world.
Today I asked one of my friends (a lifelong Edinburgh resident) if he had any plans for the Fringe. This was his reply (almost verbatim):
"Naw I f**kin hate the Fringe man. Bunch of pish am-dram f**ks. All them middle class c**nts thinking they're arty. Most of the shows are rubbish, you have to spend a fortune and see loads of sh*te on the off chance of seeing something good.
Then you've got places like the Pleasance and Udderbelly, these supposed "heart of the Fringe" type places. They do my f**king nut in too, all these floppy haired posh students prancing around like they're the first c**ts ever to put a f**king show on in Edinburgh.
Then there's the comedy. None of the comedians come with a complete show, they're just practicing in Edinburgh for when they f**k off on their nationwide tour next year.
And it's so f**king busy too, ye just cannae go into town at all for like a month. It's just horrible like.
But you know what the worst thing is? it's what it does to people who live in Edinburgh. For three weeks every year, they turn into a bunch of arty farty c**ts going 'oooh I try and see as much as possible during the festival, I just love the theatre, don't you? Ooooh yes I take three weeks off work every year to support the arts.'
Eh? What do you do the rest of the f**king year? When was the last time you went to an art-house cinema? Or a play? Or saw some live music? Or listened to an orchestra? Or went to an opera? This is f**king Edinburgh - this stuff is available to you ALL F**KING YEAR ROUND!! yet you only get involved in August, because that's what everyone else does. F**k the Fringe man. I hate it."
I wish I hadn't asked.
For the record - I love the Fringe. But hey…..I'm an arty farty c**t!