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  • John Parker

Bullseye! DVD review

I don’t want to waste anyone’s time with a long review for this woeful British crime caper. It is one of the worst films I have ever seen. It is a complete embarrassment for all involved. Granted, the early 90s weren’t exactly halcyon days for Moore and Caine (Bond was finished for Moore and it would be another nine years until The Cider House Rules, and the career renaissance for Caine) but even during this period they should have known better than to sign on the dotted line for this desperately unfunny trash.

In the opening credits, the name of Menahem Golan appears as a producer. Alongside Yoram Globus he was one half of the Cannon Films empire, producing cheap and fun independent B-movies in the 70s and 80s. Seeing his name actually gave me a spark of hope, that this might be a piece of camp, schlocky fun. But alas, this is not a Cannon Film. It is a Michael Winner film. And one of his worst to boot. Which is really saying something.

It is awful. The plot sees Caine and Moore play a pair of con men who look exactly like a pair of nuclear scientists. They decide to use this to pull off a heist. Madcap antics ensue. Seeing these two future knights of the realm debase themselves in this tripe is heart breaking.

I cannot be clear enough about this – do not buy this film. Do not watch this film. I had no choice. You can still save yourself. Avoid at all costs. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. This film is a void, a void, a void. Don’t stare into the void, don’t stare into the void. Oh God I stared into the void.

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